Overwhelming fire

A few years back, I decided to seek God on my own terms. So I did. I started reading the scriptures with the goal of reading it from front to back. I started going to daily mass and looked for any means of learning more about Him. Then some unfortunate circumstances happened, I grew angry with God. Attending even the weekly Sunday masses became hard for me. For a while, my life became dull. I surrounded myself with family and friends with great faith, in hopes that somehow I can get back to the peak of my own faith. This went on, again for a while. Yet there was nothing. I still grew farther and farther, and now I don’t even recall how or why I was angry with Him in the first place. I enjoyed the company of my family and friends with a bond that held stronger overtime. This is what kept me at peace, knowing that I now have quality relationships that will last forever. But then, things were constant, I felt that something was missing. No highs, No lows. Just the straight line plateaued.

My year started rather joyous. I got to spend a wonderful two and half weeks in the Philippines together with the rest of my family that still resides there. The happier I was, the closer I was in getting back to the old flame I had in seeking God. But it wasn’t enough. I prayed. I served as much as I can in SFC (Catholic-based community). But still, I felt that I was still so far from Him. How did I managed to push myself too far from Him? Don’t get me wrong, I had my faith and still prayed at least the prayer before meals. But that ultimate fire I once had, is what I desired.

One day, I got invited to an SFC retreat called CCW (Christian Character Weekend). Initially, to be honest, I wasn’t interested on going but I registered anyways. A few days away from the retreat I was thinking of backing out, but since I said yes on a carpool, I had no choice but to go. So I went,  and I have to say, I’m glad I did. I truly cherished the talks, the new friends I made, and the great memories I acquired. I attended the 8am Sunday mass that weekend too. I was thinking of sleeping in to skipped on the mass, but somehow I managed to bring myself to listen to mass that morning. Though it has only been two weeks since the retreat, I noticed that taking myself to go to mass wasn’t as hard anymore. I have not skipped any Sunday mass since. That weekend created a spark that lit a flame in my heart to seek for God.

This weekend, having the very first Cluster Assembly held at my chapter, the NW Chapter. I got to see familiar faces from a couple weeks back. Seeing their smiles, and that flame they all have, got me in to writing this very blog post. They all very well inspired me to be the better version of myself somehow. Overwhelmed in enormous amount of emotions, I have to honestly admit, I was in tears just before I started writing this. Tears not of sadness but rather of joy, for how grateful I am for the people that surrounds me. Everyone’s stories, faith, and wisdom truly inspired me to get back on the horse and finish my race.

Once again, the fire is on. And the flame is big. My hunger for God had grown bigger. This is the start, a new beginning. I’m truly grateful to be part of such a very inspiring community that motivates incessantly.


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