After a terrible break up.. now what?
One has either given up, or isn’t trying as hard as the other; or no longer feel that same “spark” that you thought you felt. When relationships turns out unhealthy it can also turn out abusive. (Verbally, Physically, Mentally) Don’t let emotions fool you. Let the mind lay out the facts.
Ask yourself, is he still the same person that swept you off your feet? If so, evaluate by observing signs and behaviors. Is being with him still worth all the suffering? The verbal abuse? The physical abuse? The mental abuse that causes you to get the feeling of worthless?
If not, then keep reading.
Love blinds us from seeing a person’s true colors. It gives us hope that things will get better. Yes, you guys started as good friends and it seemed to be impossible that this guy was just hiding his true self behind a mask. You knew him too well, but have you actually stopped to think that people change? Yes people change. In fact the only thing consistent in this world is change. All you have to do is accept that the man you once fell in love with is no longer the same person that stands in front of you.
The first thing: Acceptance. Accept the fact that you two no longer walk the same path, that you now need to take a journey different from each other.
Once you’ve done so, you are finally ready to break all ties with him. No phone calls, no text messages, no emails and any sorts of social media interaction. At first, he won’t realized that he has lost you. In fact, he’ll think that you’ll come back. Let him think that way. Don’t beg for him back. It’s not worth it.
Days, weeks, or even months will pass. You will feel as if you need to be back with him. You’ve revolved all your time and energy around him for so long that you feel incomplete without him. Fight the urge. Instead try navigating your energy on trying to better yourself. Sooner or later he will beg for you. Finally when that time comes, you will no longer want him.
Here are some possible steps you can take to better yourself:
1.) Do things that you used to love. Whether it’s painting, writing, cooking, baking, going to the beach or museums. You used to love it, and perhaps, you got so lost in being in love that you had forgotten about the things that made you happy.
2.) Join a community. Surround yourself with people that will help you grow. I personally joined a Catholic-Christian community that helped me grow as an individual working under God. (Another blog will be posted about this life changing experience) The point is, when you surround yourself with people that views life positively, you will learn that life isn’t so bad. Being part of a community will make you realize that you are indeed worth so much more than you think.
3.) Learn something new. Educate yourself further. Do things that you’ve been wanting to do but you keep on having an excuse to put it off. It could be singing, dancing, cooking, painting, sewing. Anything! Some you might have to take classes on and spend a little bit of money. Some are free and some can be searched through the web. No matter what it is, it will give you a sense of accomplishment. That you are not the loser that your ex-boyfriend imprinted in your mind. You are in fact, successful and independent. You can achieve anything you put your mind to.
4.) Take good care of your health. Yes, you can be successful. But what is success if you are not able. Make sure you take care of your health. Eat foods that are beneficial to the body. Fruits and vegetable. A well balanced meal. Exercise daily. Make it to a habit of setting a side some time to exercise. Even if its only 15 minutes walk around the neighborhood is still something. Trust me, your body will thank you. Your skin will be soft, the acne will clear up, and there will be an extra boost of energy. Everything. Confidence will be on high. As long as you treat your body right.
5.) Create healthy relationships. Start with your family. They will motivate you, they will support you, and no matter what it is, they will always have your back. Always. A healthy relationship with others has to start within your own home.
After accomplishing everything listed above. You will learn your worth, you will know where you stand.
Now the question is.. How can you guarantee that the next won’t be worse than what you’ve already had? Because by this time, you have already learned that you deserve better. “To attract a ten, you must be a ten”. And you are a 10.
No man should make you feel worthless. If you know your self-worth, you shouldn’t even allow any man to hit you even once. Or talk down on you and call you names. Set boundaries. Set a standard. Write it down. Remind yourself. The person you are now is the outcome of a bitter experience. You are indestructible. You know your worth, you know where you stand. You know your wants and your needs. Don’t let anyone ruin that. Let them know who you are.